Drumbeats

Monthly Newsletter

If you're searching for ideas on working smarter, communicating more effectively and mentoring others, you've come to the right place. Each month in Drumbeats you'll find:

-An article you can download, reproduce, and use in your company newsletter or ezine.

-Two sample Smart Cards (from a stack of 72) with practical advice on how to deal with difficult situations-the kind you run into every day, and

- Mentoring tips (a new feature) -- just scroll down to the POND.

A NOTE TO MY FRIENDS

First of all, I want to welcome you to our e-newsletter. In this new millenium, we are committed to provide high quality information that you can make use of yourself--immediately.

If you enjoy it, bookmark this newsletter. Then send me an e-mail at success@bullionbooks.com, and I'll send you a personal message every time I change it.

So welcome. I want to say a special hello to my visitors from all over the globe. I wish I could shake the hand of every one of you. I hope you enjoy the articles.

ASK ABOUT 3 New Mentoring Workshops

The Art of Mentoring - How to bring about a mentoring culture in your organization. 2 days

SPECIAL OFFERS

SALE….SALE….SALE

We have a number of copies of The Art of Mentoring, hardback, first edition that are slightly damaged. These are all new books that have one or more small folds on the paper inside the front cover. They are in great shape, but we cannot sell them as firsts because of this printer problem. We will sell them at a 40% discount individually. For larger orders, call for additional discounts. SUPPLY IS LIMITED. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, CALL TODAY.

Advance copies of The Art of Mentoring 2nd edition are now available here. With every order we are sending absolutely free a one page chart containing the communication toolkit. With it, you will be able to instantly find the best communication strategy for any mentoring situation--from straight talk to feedback. You'll learn when to use it, and where to find examples in the book. The chart and book combination is available here only for $16.95 plus shipping. Other specials we are offering include:

Special 1: The Art of Mentoring first edition and Secrets of the Jungle (book or set of 3 cassette tapes,) you'll receive both books for $18.95.

Special 2: The Art of Mentoring first edition and your own set of Smart Cards in a holder for $18.95.

Special 3: Secrets of the Jungle $6.00.

In March, we spoke to the American Congress of Health Executives. The talk was called "The Art of Mentoring: Lead, Follow, and Get Out of the Way." Now you can have this one and a half hour talk on cd or cassette for $39.95. To order, email us at success@bullionbooks.com, call (361) 949-8309, or fax your order to (361) 949-8331.

Finally, you can reserve your copy of The Art of Mentoring, 2nd edition now on Amazon.com. It's in paperback and is 360 pages of the best mentoring ideas you can find anywhere.

February 2002

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

It all began with a laundry basket. I have a jam-packed laundry room. Two dog beds, washer, dryer, freezer, sink, shelves, water bottles, steamer, you name it-all packed into one small space, and a laundry basket that was inevitably in the way. It was big and beautiful (for a laundry basket), but I had no place to put it. The top of the freezer was full. The shelves were not tall enough to accommodate its height. The only free wall space was taken up by the portable vacuum cleaner. The laundry basket usually wound up perched like an over-sized bird on the sink or laying half-filled on the floor and in the way.

Nothing changed until the day I tripped over it. Sitting in the middle of the floor, I realized I had been trying to solve the wrong problem. It was not that the room was too small, it was that the basket was too big. I would get rid of it and find a basket that fit on the shelves. Simple, right? Then why hadn't I thought of it? I had gotten stuck the minute I fixed on space as the problem. Once I changed my perspective, the solution was obvious. HOW ABOUT YOU? Are you stuck? Are you sure you're solving the right problem? If you have any doubts, here are some steps that will help.

Step One: Start with what you believe to be the problem. "I don't know where to put my laundry basket so I move it from place to place, but it is still in the way."

Step Two: Isolate the parts of the problem. For me it was-- not enough wall space, shelf space, or floor space for the laundry basket.

Step Three: Look at each part and identify it as the problem, the result, or an element contributing to the problem. In the example, the lack of wall space, shelf space and floor space contributed to the problem, but they were not the problem. The problem is what is left--the laundry basket.

Step Four: List ways to solve the problem. You can either reduce the contributors or change the results. To reduce the contributors- I could move the basket inconveniently into another room, build more shelves, remove the vacuum clearner from the wall or the steamer and water bottles from the floor. The simplest answer was to get rid of the laundry basket.

Can you apply this approach to a more complex problem? Let's try. Suppose you are having difficulty with a coworker. You need information from Alice, but she is late returning your calls. When you try to discuss this with her, she becomes defensive and says she is too busy. Rather than rush to a solution, you follow the four steps alone.

Step One: You name what you think is the problem. Perhaps Alice returns your calls late because she dislikes you, or maybe she isn't a team player. Maybe she doesn't think what you are doing is important. Regardless of the reason, you need this information in a timely manner. Alice's behavior is having an effect on your productivity.

Step Two: Isolate each part -the late calls, the defensive behavior which prevents you from discussing the situation, Alice's workload, and the impact on your work.

Step Three: Now you're ready to categorize each part as "the problem," "the result," or a "contributing factor." The late calls and the impact on your work are the result of what is happening. Alice's defensive behavior and her workload are contributors. If you want things to improve, you must reduce the contributors or change the result. Even if she really is too busy, you cannot change that because you are not her supervisor. Besides, responding to your requests is part of her job. That leads to one conclusion: the problem is in the relationship. If you want things to get better, your communication with her must improve.

Now before going on to Step Four, considering alternatives, you might want to circle back through the first three steps to understand what is at the root of the communication problem. That means restating what you believe is the source of that problem, isolating the elements, and categorizing them once again. The results may surprise you. Perhaps the contributing factor, her defensiveness, has helped to create the basic problem, your reluctance to have a conversation with her. Perhaps there are real or imagined bad feelings. Maybe she has the type of personality that causes problems for you.

Step Four: Once you feel you have a better handle on the communication problem you are having with Alice, you're ready to consider possible solutions-a meeting over coffee, an apology, a third party helping to resolve the issue, or perhaps finding another way to get the information you need.

Someone once said that a problem was "an opportunity in work clothes." Life affords us many opportunities to go to work. Few of us enjoy conflict, but solving problems is part of living. Whether it is communicating with your teenager or finding time for a key project, don't just dive in. If you want to be an effective problem solver, first identify the laundry basket. It requires self-discipline, it takes practice, and it works.

Keep shining,

Shirley

This article may be reprinted in newsletters and other media. The only requirement is that you give credit to Dr. Shirley Peddy.

Smart Cards: how to deal with difficult situations

When we are in a tight spot, sometimes it's hard to think of a strategy. We know the answer, but it just doesn't come. Have you been there? Well so have I. That's why I created smart cards. More and more people who are using Smart Cards have told me about situations that turned out well because they knew the right thing to say--in the right way. They are a great communication tool, for you and for others you work with. But they are more than about ways to communicate. Smart cards help you deal with conflict, solve problems, and find the best thing to say...the best thing to do when you want to not only show up, but shine.

PROBLEM SOLVING: DEALING WITH DEFENSIVE BEHAVIOR 42 Ask for permission to give feedback on the situation. If not now, when? Focus on immediate communication barrier. Describe the behavior without using the word "defensive." Include the impact on you. Let the other person respond. Discuss shared need for a good working relationship.

PROBLEM SOLVING: Responding to Resistance 44 She: That's impossible to do. Me: What prevents us from doing that. She: Everyone says it won't work. Me: Everyone? She: We have to do it that way. Me: If we didn't, what would happen?

These cards and the folder sell for $12.00 + shipping and handling. Now, for Drumbeats readers, we are offering an introductory price of just $10.00 + shipping and handling (usually $2.75).

If you've ever had an important discussion or problem solving meeting coming up, this is the portable mentor that will give you the answers.

How to handle an irate customer How to give bad news What "red flag" words should you always avoid What to do in a conflict situation when the other person tries to pull you off track?

This is a great opportunity. Don't miss it. Order today. You can order by e-mail: success@bullionbooks.com You can order by phone: 361 949 8309 You can order by fax: 361 949 8331.

Don't miss this chance. Smart cards are for smart people.

Keep shining.

Shirley

Mentoring Tips

This is a new feature of our web site. It is based on the idea that mentoring is like casting pebbles into a pond. We never know how far-reaching the results will be. We hope you will find it a good place to fish for ideas.

Most organizations starting a mentoring initiative ask questions about pairing two individuals who are diverse. There is no hard and fast rule. However, if you or your organization is pairing people for diversity, here are some ideas to share with mentors and mentees.

In any relationship there are challenges for both people because no two of us are alike. Here are some specific ways to turn those challenges into opportunities.

Common experience: All white managers do not see the world the same way. Neither do all African American managers or Hispanic managers. Not all women think alike. To meet this challenge, ask questions of one another.

Communication differences: If you are having difficulty in communicating, check assumptions. What does this word mean to you?

Attitudes: Whether we lean toward or away from something can have an impact on our responses to events. Mentors and mentees must be willing to explore attitudes that are getting in the way of good dialogue.

We can't duplicate the life experience of another, but through the prism of diversity we can broaden our own experience.

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